Boys Don't Cry

Chapter 1

Guy never was big on principles.
He was a simple man with simple values but didn’t believe much in the stereotypical things he often heard people spewing out.
He didn’t much care if people saw him yawn out of boredom during a conversation with him.
It didn’t faze him that some stuck up folks would give him dirty looks if he rested his elbows on the table during a dinner party.
Sometimes he felt like walking on the left side of the sidewalk, and ignored the so called rule for staying to the right.
And if he occasionally forgot to open a door for a stranger, it was no skin off his back.
He figured those people could just deal.
It was not as if he was hurting anyone.
He wasn’t committing any crimes.
He hadn’t robbed a bank.
Or murdered his ex-girlfriend.
His mother used to widen her eyes in shock when she heard Guy saying such things.
She couldn’t believe she had raised such a brash son.
And then she would constantly be on Guy’s case about being more polite.
To the point where Guy almost gave in to her.
Almost.
He never quite reached that point.
He was too proud, and too devoted to his own beliefs.
But although he generally disagreed with his mother and basically the rest of the population as far as ideals went, there had always been one principle he had followed religiously.
The first time he heard it was on a balmy summer’s morning.
The heat of the sun had not yet reached the earth to its fullest extent.
A bright and shiny new bicycle was standing proudly on the sidewalk, just waiting for an equally proud rider to mount it.
And Guy was going to be just the right person for that.
Even as a young boy of five, he was pompous and quite sure of his capabilities.
Without hesitation he climbed onto the bike.
And was eager to show off the skills he thought he had to his mother.
But, as he was young, he was stupid.
And completely unaware of the skills necessary to ride such a contraption without falling off or crashing into some other object.
And unfortunately for Guy, that is exactly what happened.
He managed to stay on the bike all the way down his driveway.
But then he had to turn.
And this was a lot easier to do in his head than it was in reality.
At first he thought he was going to make it.
But then the bike tipped just a little too far.
And Guy couldn't keep his balance.
He fell, sprawled out on the sidewalk, the bike on top of him.
Quickly he scrambled to his feet, trying to get his bearings and get a sense of his injuries.
As soon as he stood he noticed a sharp pain in his right knee.
He looked down at it.
His pants were ripped at the knee and blood trickled down from the newly acquired wound.
It stung and throbbed.
If Guy had been older, he would have said it hurt like hell.
Instead he did what any young child would do.
He filled his eyes with tears and prepared to cry.
But before they could run down his cheeks, his mother was kneeling in front of him.
"Are you hurt?" she asked, full of motherly concern.
Guy just nodded and pointed to his injured knee.
"Oh that's not so bad," she said, giving him an encouraging smile.
"It hurts,' he told her.
"I know," she said.
There was a noise of a door swinging open.
Then Guy's father was standing on the front porch.
He crossed his arms.
"What's going on out here?" he asked.
"Nothing," Guy's mother replied sweetly. "Guy just fell off his bike, that's all."
"Is he hurt?" Guy's father questioned.
"A bit. But he'll be alright."
"Ahh, of course he will. He's a man. He can handle a little pain."
Then with a nod of satisfaction he returned to the house, likely to continue reading the Sunday paper as was the norm.
Once he had left, Guy's mother turned to Guy.
"Now you listen here," she told him.
Guy had looked at her skeptically, a look most five year olds would hardly know how to achieve.
But Guy was special that way.
He wasn't like other kids.
He never had the ignorance that allowed him to put blind faith in the words of an adult.
But this one time, he chose to believe.
"Wipe those tears away," she said, and Guy obeyed.
"Someday you will be a man just like your father. You will be proud and strong-willed. But crying just does not fit that image. It never has."
Guy had just stared at her, not fully grasping what she wanted him to do.
She grabbed his shoulders.
"What I am trying to say is, your father wants you to grow up like him. So he doesn't want to see you cry. Crying is a weakness for a man. Do you understand?"
"I think so," he said. "So does that mean when I am hurt I can't cry?"
"Well...you shouldn't," she told him. "When you are upset, it is better if you deal with it on your own. Your father would like that. You want to please him, don't you?"
"Yes," Guy said, and he meant it.
In some ways, Guy was still like other kids.
He was a boy. And boys looked up to their fathers.
So naturally, Guy admired his.
And he wanted to be just like him someday.
And if that meant putting an end to tears, then Guy would do it willingly.
"I understand it now," he said confidently.
And he did.


Chapter 2

He applied this single principle in everything he did.
He got cuts and bruises.
He banged his head.
He scraped his knees.
Once, he even broke a bone.
But never once did he cry.
And it wasn't just physical pain.
No, Guy kept his eyes dry as the desert even through emotional aches and pains.
When he was six he got a puppy.
He loved that mutt like a brother; a brother he never had.
But one day he left the gate open accidentally.
And the puppy was gone.
Guy put up signs all over town.
He knocked on neighbor's doors asking if they had seen him.
They hadn't.
And the dog never came back.
But he didn't cry.
When Guy was seven he found something better than a puppy.
He found a friend.
He moved in down the street.
And they were in the same class at school.
So naturally they became close.
They rode bikes together.
They explored the woods by their homes.
They became inseparable.
Until the boy's mother informed him one day that they would be moving again.
Then the boy informed Guy.
Guy and his parents helped the family pack.
They watched as they drove away.
Guy waved after them.
But he didn't cry.
When Guy was eight he didn't need any more brotherly substitutes.
His parents came home from the hospital with a real little brother.
Guy loved him instantly.
And he wanted to spend all his time with him.
But his parents didn't like that idea.
Instead, they spent all of their time with the baby.
And left Guy on his own.
One day Guy came home with a very good grade.
He hurried into the nursery where he knew his parents would be.
He excitedly tried to show them the paper.
But they immediately shushed him and shooed him out of the room.
Guy slowly left the room and sat down at the kitchen table.
He didn't cry.
This was the most his parents had interacted with him in weeks.
When Guy was nine his entire world was shattered.
His parents fought.
They had fought many times before.
Especially since the new baby.
But this time was different.
Guy's father packed his things in a suitcase and left.
Guy stood in a corner and tried to make himself disappear.
It worked.
It was hours before his mother noticed.
Their eyes met and she hurried over and hugged him tight.
Then she sent him to bed.
Guy figured his father would return by the time he awoke the next morning.
Because he was loyal.
Because he was decent.
Because he was a good husband and father.
Because that is what Guy had been raised to believe.
One week later he still had not returned.
And Guy learned why.
Apparently, he had been sleeping with another woman.
And apparently he had chose that woman over Guy's mother.
Guy didn't understand.
He thought what his parents had was love.
He thought love conquered all.
His father often told him that.
But now he was gone.
And Guy felt incredibly hollow.
In his young mind, he determined that love was as pointless as he had been raised to believe tears were.
He lost another human reaction that day.
The ability to love another.
And so in this way Guy grew up.
When something bad happened he did not have love nor tears to cling to for relief.
Sure when he got older he had girlfriends.
He had lots of them.
He was actually fairly popular in school.
But none of them ever meant anything to him.
And thus he never had the same girlfriend for more than a month or two.
That was okay with Guy.
He didn't believe in love anyways.
Not anymore.
And while he didn't believe in drowning his sorrows with tears, he did find a different thing to drown in.
Guy had his first beer when he was fourteen.
And he liked it.
Had he believed in love, he would have loved it.
It felt like a get out of jail free card.
A bus ticket to the next city over.
A plane ride in the clouds.
An escape.
And what a glorious escape it was.
Now Guy wasn't only running away from sorrow and love.
He was running away from everything.
Every emotion, every thought, and every feeling that might mean something.
He ran far and fast.
He laughed as everyone else stood by and watched him.
But they knew something he didn't know.
Guy was running straight for a wall.
He never saw it.
But he felt it.
It hit him, hard.
It was like the wave in the ocean that swells up unexpectedly and sweeps you off your feet.
Or the first tremor of an earthquake that causes the buildings to quake an tremble in a such a way that if they had thoughts, they must have been wondering why they ever thought they were sturdy in the first place.
But this wall wasn't a wave.
It wasn't an earthquake.
It wasn't even a wall.
It was a person.
Just one lowly human being.
But the effect that one insignificant human had on Guy was far from insignificant.
It was more devious than a wave, more sudden than an earthquake, and more robust than a brick wall.
For the first time in a long time, Guy was forced to feel again.


Chapter 3

The first meeting took place on a cold winter evening when he was twenty five.
It was snowing.
But it wasn't a light dusting.
It was a heavy snow fall that was worsened by a strong, biting wind.
The temperature that night was far below freezing point.
Guy hated the cold.
He always had.
But it was okay.
He was inside.
Away from mother nature's wrath.
The bar was cozy and warm.
So inviting that Guy could never seem to pass it up as he walked by.
He sat in his usual seat.
The bartenders all knew him by name.
But tonight there was a new man working.
And Guy felt relieved.
The usual bartenders would expect him to drink excessively.
And for some reason, Guy just didn't feel up to it today.
He was still on his first beer.
He could hardly fathom that he was actually feeling bad enough as to not even want to drink.
And he was glad that the usuals who knew him weren't here to call him out on this.
The man that was working instead seemed out of place there.
He was tall.
But he didn't look menacing.
He was friendly.
But he seemed more genuine than the others.
He was thin.
His eyes were gray and looked kind.
For some reason, all this intimidated Guy.
He tried to disappear.
He had become skilled at that over the years.
He could be in a room for hours before anyone noticed he was there.
But not tonight.
As much as he tried to become invisible, the new guy seemed to notice him at almost the exact moment Guy wanted to disappear.
He walked over and Guy felt himself tense up.
He felt ridiculous.
But he couldn't help it.
He now wished he had drank more anyways.
It would have saved him from this feeling of awkwardness.
But he hadn't.
And now he had to face this man.
"Hey," the man said.
His voice was quiet.
But it expressed a strange sort of confidence that Guy had never known.
"You're new," Guy stated plainly.
He wasn't keen on the typical human greetings.
They were futile to him.
Just a waste of breath.
Of course, this didn't often sit well with those he spoke too.
Typically it resulted in dirty looks.
And in more extreme cases, a bloody nose for Guy.
Guy figured this man would react much the same.
But he did not nothing of the sort.
He just laughed.
It was more of a chuckle, really.
Since it was almost inaudible.
But it might as well have been an explosion to Guy.
As unexpected as it was.
"Don't look so startled."
Guy's eyes widened.
He hated the thought that his emotions were visible on the surface.
"What will it take for you to leave me alone?" Guy grumbled.
The man just laughed harder.
"I like you," he told him.
Now Guy was truly confused.
"But...why?"
"You're different. Different is interesting. Interesting is good, if you ask me. Sure is a lot better than being boring."
"Okay," Guy replied meekly.
He didn't know what to make of this man.
"I'm Rory, and you must be a regular here."
"Yeah."
He was reluctant to tell Rory his name.
"You don't really look like you belong here, Rory," Guy told him.
"I suppose it's obvious, huh?"
He pushed a lock of his reddish brown hair behind his ear.
"I am here because it is the only way I can make a living for myself."
"Hmm," Guy said.
He was actually intrigued.
But he didn't want that to show.
Luckily Rory continued on without any encouragement from Guy.
"I never went to college. I followed my girlfriend straight out of high school. Moved out here. I loved her. But things didn't work out. I decided to stay in the area though. And so here I am."
Guy could not hide his interest any longer.
"Why would you give all that up just for.....love?"
He also could not hide his distaste when he said "love".
"I would never want to give up feelings like that," Rory said sincerely.
"But that's....it isn't really there. And feelings, they just get in the way. They got in the way of you having a career."
Rory just shrugged.
"Those things don't mean much if you don't feel alive. Emotions....they allow you to feel like you are really living. That's not something I'm willing to sacrifice."
"But not all emotions are good," Guy argued. "A lot of them are painful and bring misery."
"That is true," Rory admitted. "But I'll bet it doesn't at all compare to the pain you feel."
Now it was Guy's turn to laugh.
"What pain?"
"The pain of loneliness," Rory said. "It's not something you can make disappear with a few drinks."
"I can try," Guy said. "Bring me another one," he told Rory, and finished off his current drink.
For some reason he felt a sudden anger towards this man.
Who did he think he was, trying to tell Guy how to live?
He didn't even know Guy's name!
Suddenly Rory grabbed Guy's wrist.
"Look at me," he commanded.
Shocked, Guy obeyed.
"What are you trying to avoid?"
"Everything," Guy said quietly.
"No...." Rory said. "Right now you are just trying to avoid me. Why? You were hardly drinking before."
For some reason Guy found himself unable to deny this.
Probably because it was true.
He sighed.
"Tonight I was thinking that maybe I was tired of being emotionless. But then I saw you and I got scared."
"Why were you scared?"
"Because I really like you."
"I really like you too."
"I'm afraid to feel things again. So many things could go wrong, and it will turn out badly."
"Listen. Things didn't work out with my last relationship. But I don't regret a thing. I don't think you will either."
Guy thought about it.
He could say no.
And go back to his regular life of bars, hangovers, and loneliness.
Or he could take a chance.
A chance at being happy.
"My name is Guy," he said slowly. "And I think I'd like to see you again, in a different setting."
Rory smiled widely.
"That sounds great."



THE END